Music For Kiddos Podcast
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This blog post is part three of a three part series 'm calling “We’re Fried”. In part 1 of this series, I talked about how we are professionally fried. In part 2, I talked about being creatively fried as a music therapist and music educator.
Today, we're going to be talking about being emotionally fried. As a teacher, a music therapist, a parent, or just as a human in this world, I don't have to tell you that we are all fried. We have dealt with this collective change and grief over the last couple of years and there are a lot of reasons that continue to make us feel fried and burnt out.
One of the things that has made it the hardest for me is that just when I feel like I'm getting in some kind of predictable pattern in my life, there are more and more changes. So, there’s a constant “recalibration” are readjusting.
Even though, admittedly, things happen and that knock me down in a big way, at this stage of my life I feel more balanced than I have in a while. And, I want to share some strategies that I have used to help me get there.
This not advice (because I am such a highly imperfect person!) but it’s just me sharing with a friend (you!) a couple of the strategies that have helped me and have brought me some relief from this frazzled feeling this year.
Some strategies that have helped me feel less emotionally fried
1. I started working with a therapist
About nine months ago, I started working with a therapist and, I should first say, I returned to therapy because there have been stages of my life where I had therapy for a short period of time and it helped me immensely. So, when I started to be in this kind of uncertain zone this past year, I thought “well, it can't hurt.”
What I have discovered is that at the time I went to therapy, I was probably too frazzled at that point. I should have utilized my self-care strategies, much, much earlier. I distinctly remember walking into my first therapy session and meeting my therapist and remembering how I felt that day. I was really excited to meet her and I was hopeful, but I also remember the heaviness, the overwhelm and the exhaustion I was carrying.
Now nine months later, my eyes are brighter. I feel more balanced and I feel less stressed. It’s hard to describe what specifically has been so helpful working with my therapist, but I think she's helped me identify strategies to help me appreciate myself more and forgive myself for what feels like my shortcomings. I’ve also learned to focus more in the moment, have a bigger appreciation for life and, to work on taking things off of my plate. Removing the things that don't feel good, removing some of the negativity and the toxicity that I didn't even know really existed in my life, is also part of that.
It has felt like cleaning things up, bringing more of the good, and setting aside the things that are bringing me stress and toxicity.
If you've never tried therapy before, I highly recommend that you look into that option. I know some times therapy might be inaccessible but there are some options that make it more affordable, like Open Path Collective.
2. Learning more about the nervous system and self-regulation strategies
I have done a lot of reading on just the nervous system and how you can “cool off” a nervous system. I am a go-getter. I'm a passionate person and what I have figured out is that I am someone who is prone to stress and anxiety if I don't keep myself in check.
What I've realized is that my nervous system gets activated in this “fight, flight or freeze” mode a lot in my everyday life because my brain's going a million miles an hour on a minute, and I have things that I'm thinking about and excited about.
My nervous system is going and going and going, so I've made the conscious decision to learn about my nervous system and learn how to regulate it.
One of the ways that I do that is through acupuncture. It's really incredible and one of the few things that really makes my brain and my mind calm and become more clear. I've been engaging in a little bit more body work as my budget allows but there are other ways to do that that don't cost money, like breathing, just noticing yourself in the environment.
3. Community and friendship
Instead of making a new year's resolution this year, I decided I was going to focus more on outside time and more community that filled me up. I aimed to be the one who've reached out to friends, which as an introvert is, not something that is a part of my comfort zone. I started to reach out and connecting with old friends and learning about their everyday life again. I have leaned into those relationships that make me feel warm and fuzzy, and I have leaned out of relationships that were on the cusp of toxic or felt negative. It's been very freeing and very fulfilling.
4. More outside time
Nature cools down my nervous system and it brings me in the moment.
When I look at something beautiful, I can't think about much else because I'm just blown away by how beautiful it is. So I've tried really hard to appreciate the beautiful outdoors. I know not everybody has the opportunity to be near rivers and mountains, but maybe there is something in your outdoor environment where you can get a little bit of sun on your skin, you can feel that warmth and you can be surrounded by nature. There's just something very peaceful about being outside.
5. Physical Connection
I listened to a child psychologist’s podcast where they talked about the importance of kids getting physical hugs (with a safe person and with consent) and the importance of their body feeling physically safe with physical connection. So my daughter had a rough winter dealing with anxiety. We were trying some new medicines to help with our chronic health problems, and they were making her feel horrible. If you are a parent, you know that if your kid is not doing well, then you are not doing well either.
One of the strategies that I utilized with her as we were figuring out how to help her to feel better was giving extended hugs and physical touch. I started to slow down in the mornings and giving her a really big warm snuggle and I focused on my own regulation and my own sensory system. I turned everything else off in my mind and I just focused all my body's energy on filling her up with this love and this big hug. If I can work on regulating my body and she feels that I'm calm, stable and that I'm good and she can physically feel that from me, then maybe that will help her too. Let me tell you— it’s been life-changing.
Some encouragement for you for this week: reflect on your own self-care and see if you can find some areas that can use a little bit of TLC. I really want you to feel fulfilled, happy, creative, regulated, joyful even when difficult things are happening. Even when difficult things are happening, we can simultaneously experience moments of joy.
I hope that for you and I hope that this blog post has given you some things to consider about how you are taking care of yourself.
Listen to this episode of the Music For Kiddos Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your favorite shows!
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