Music For Kiddos Podcast
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I’m going to share about something that is very relevant to what I have experienced over the last six months or so. And I know I'm not alone. This has been a rough six months or so for most of us.
In light of this, we are going to do a series on the blog and on the Music For Kiddos Podcast that is simply called: We Are Fried. We are fried professionally. We are fried creatively. We are fried emotionally. We are fried in all the ways. So, we're gonna talk about it and just shine some light on it, because I think when things are hard and things are difficult, speaking truth into the world and shining a little light on it, can make it a little bit more manageable because it's not hidden under the surface.
We know that others are also experiencing it. We know we're not alone, so let's talk about it a little bit.
I have shared on the Music For Kiddos Podcast before that I have experienced burnout multiple times. If you’d like to read about my stories of burnout, you can read this blog post or listen to this episode of the podcast.
Experiencing burnout is not a new “thing” for me; it has actually been something I have experienced more than once in my life. These last six months, I have experienced a different feeling other than burnout, but it's similar enough that I can draw some comparisons. When something uncomfortable recurs, you start to try and figure out why that happens so that it doesn't happen again. What I'm experiencing now is not burnout. It's it's different. It's a different flavor, but there's some fatigue and a frazzled feeling about (you might relate to this feeling, too). I was thinking back to when I experienced burnout when I worked as a music therapist in a hospital setting, and I was thinking back to this particular conversation that I had with my lovely boss at the time.
I was experiencing burnout. I was suffering and I didn't talk to anybody. I remember walking down through the empty hallways to my supervisor’s office— who was wonderful, sitting down with her and immediately bursting into tears. She was really taken aback because she hadn't ever seen me cry before (which I think was also a problem, and it might have contributed to the burnout), even though there had been a lot of really difficult things that I had dealt with in the hospital.
I was somewhat traumatized by all the things that I experienced in the hospital and I wasn't getting the support that I need or reaching out for the support that I needed. I remember explaining to my boss that I had to quit. I had to quit. I was done. This was my dream job and I hated doing this, but I absolutely had to quit. She so kindly paused and looked at me and all she said was:
“I want the best for you. I'm so incredibly sad because you're amazing at this job but I look at you and I can see that you are done and that you have made up your mind. Anything that I say is not gonna change your mind. The only thing that I'm going to say is that I wish you had talked to me before you had reached this point, because I think maybe I could have helped you.”
This almost makes me tear up thinking about it because at the time, in my mind, I was done. It felt like something that was inevitable to me and it felt like nothing that I could do would have made it work. Now many years later, I think she was absolutely right; that if I had reached out six months before that and said “I'm experiencing some burnout”, perhaps I could have received some additional support and maybe I didn't have to leave.
My burnout came with me
After I left that job, I went and found a different one and I thought that the problem would be solved there. The reality was that no, the problem came with me. The pattern repeated. So in the next stage of life, with that repeating pattern, I ended up leaving the profession after my next music therapy job.
Sometimes people are really surprised to hear that because I'm so passionate about doing music with kids and about music therapy. But I left, I left for a long time.
But later some time— maybe six months later, I found myself taking my daughter to her preschool, and realized she didn't have a music teacher. They couldn't find a music teacher, so I agreed to do music just for her class, and then pretty soon they asked me to do a couple more classes, and eventually ended up teaching the whole school. So I came back to it pretty quickly because I really couldn't stay away from the profession.
I keep an eye out and I’m very intentional in looking out for these patterns that can signal burnout. I have a deep fear that, for example, one day I will wake up and I will be burnt out and I will want to quit Music For Kiddos. And I can't let that happen because I love it too much.
Things I’ve changed to prevent burning out again
I'm so mindful about and I continuously have to pivot in an extreme way to avoid experiencing burnout again.
Everybody's different, but these are some of the things I had to change to avoid burning out:
I had to accept that being a music therapist looked different than 40 hours a week of clinical work for me. The reality was that 40 hours a week of clinical work for me was very draining and tiring. For whatever reason, I feel like, especially in the music therapy world, we wear this badge that says I'm a music therapist, but I'm not one if I work from home or if I do something other than clinical work. I had to accept that my identity as a music therapist could remain and I am still a music therapist even if I'm not doing 40 hours a week of clinical work.
I have found something that works for me, which is writing curriculum, writing lesson plans and writing songs for kids and the adults that work with them.
Doing some work with kids but much less and in a smaller capacity than I used to. I love kids. This realization doesn't mean that I don't love kids any less. It just means that I have pivoted and figured out this way that I can still reach kids from my very introverted, home office setting and having a different mindset.
I had to accept that I'm no less a music therapist by doing this kind of work instead of clinical work.
Fast forward to last January and I hit a bit of a wall. We had our big house fiasco that I shared on Instagram and Facebook, in which we had to move out of our house for six weeks to clean up toxic mold. It was a lot and somebody, I trusted sat me down and told me that I needed to slow down and try to just be a little more in the moment.
I appreciated that so much. What a kind person to sit me down and recognize that in me. I actually resisted it at first, but I trusted them in such a way. There are a handful of people in your life who can speak to you in that really honest, kind way and you listen to them every time, even if it's hard to hear.
Making some shifts
So this time, and to prevent burning out again, I simplified really big. I remembered the conversation with my boss where she said “I wish that you would've told me you were having a hard time, so I could have helped you” and I thought back to those patterns of burnout where I wasn't reaching out for help and nothing changed, so I decided to make some dramatic shifts.
I reached out for help.
I tried some new strategies.
I took things off of my plate. I took things off of my plate that I didn't even think I could take off of my plate.
I dug deep and I thought very creatively and out-of-the-box and things that I felt utterly committed to, I delegated to somebody else and it was fine.
I prioritized the things that I personally really have to do and everything else was completely let go and given to somebody else.
I feel better. I feel the creative energy back again. I feel like I'm ready to do the next thing and I'm actually working ahead, instead of just barely keeping up. And some of those strategies I shared to take care of myself against burning out again are here to stay on a long term basis. I'm just gonna change the way that I do things.
Now your turn
Think about your professional life and as yourself, what are you experiencing? Take a step back and think about where or who can you reach out for help. Do you need some support? Do you need to take some things off of your plate? Maybe you need to have an honest conversation with your boss and share that you are not doing ok.
I hope you'll give yourself some grace and I hope you will give yourself some care. And remember:
You're wonderful. You're really good at what you do. You care so deeply for the kids that you work with and the other people around you.
You probably carry so much on your shoulders. You take care of everybody. You're awesome. It's okay for you to take a break.
Listen to this episode of the Music For Kiddos Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your favorite shows!
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